Dear Uncle Tusk,
I am in agony (that is why I am writing to you), I looked in my friend's PlayStation magazine and they stated that RareWare is working for Sony, is it true. I am owning a N64 with Diddy Kong Racing and I am thinking about buying Banjo-Kazooie, and it makes me sick just thinking of Rare working for Sony and is there any info for Diddy Kong Racing 2?
Uncle Tusk replies: Would this be the internationally-renowned PlayStation Lies magazine? Don't you think other people would have picked up on it by now if there was any truth to it whatsoever? Duh. Info on DKR2? Nope. None at all. Mainly because we're not doing it.
Dear Uncle Tusk,
Hopefully you can help me out here. On Goldeneye I have finished all missions on all levels and the 007 configuration level has been opened up, this being the one where you can change all the enemies health, accuracy, response etc, but you know that already. However I then completed the Dam level on "007" mode making sure that I completed all mission objectives and no little red tick appeared next to the '007' on the screen. Does this mean you can't actually go through all missions again on '007' mode and complete them, or is the configuration mode just so you can go around and have fun changing enemy health and killing the little sods on each level?
Your help on this would be greatly appreciated,
Uncle Tusk replies: The designer says: "Try putting the sliders up to maximum then completing a level." There, seems simple enough.
Oh, hang on - he's added something else in brackets... "(It won't work, because the ticks don't appear, but I can't wait to get an irate letter from this man. Maybe we could convince him his cartridge is knackered so he has to go and change it then play the game all over again.)" The swine!
Dear Uncle Tusk,
Hey, I was at www.ign64.com, a very reputable source of N64 information, and I was reading this rumour that the team currently working on Twelve Tales has halted development in order to help the development team behind Perfect Dark. As a result, Twelve Tales has been postponed, or maybe even cancelled!
This just CANNOT be true! Is it? I mean, I'm guessing that Twelve Tales is almost complete, considering that you guys have pretty much already decided on the final name, and video sequences of the game have already been released (available at www.ign64.com :)).
They also said that an insider claimed that Perfect Dark is "impossibly ambitious." I mean, I can understand that you guys must be pushing the N64 to its extreme limits, but I know you guys can pull it off. It's just like making a huge sandwich: you try to stuff as many things as you can inbetween the two slices; whatever falls out falls out, but you try to keep all the nice goodies to stay in there. I'm assuming that making Perfect Dark is like trying to fit a cow between two slices.
But anyway, the point that I'm trying to make is that I want you to confirm to me, plus the half a billion Conker awaiters that Conker is not getting the pause button, or, God Almighty forbid, the stop/eject button. PLEASE TELL ME CONKER IS STILL ON TRACK!!! I don't want Conker to suffer because Jo Dark wants attention!!
Joe F. Tangco
Uncle Tusk replies: They seem to be losing at least
one marble a day over at IGN64. Where they got this one from, I've no idea. Anyway, allow me to hand you over to the eloquent and diplomatic Perfect Dark designer (who'll no doubt find himself promoted to "a spokesman for Rare" when IGN64 write up a big report on this...)
"The story goes as follows; the PD team got a call from the Conker team who were tired of doing a cutesy 3D platformer; the PD team absorbed the Conker team, and work completely halted on Conker, just like that. Then a few months later on, the original members of the Perfect Dark team, who were by now sickened by violence, left to work on a game that wouldn't harm their sensibilities... Conker. So the two games continue in development, but with completely different teams. And if you believe any of that or the unfounded rumours on which the letter is based, you don't deserve to belong to the 20th Century. Or perhaps you do, from a particularly cynical viewpoint.
"'Impossibly ambitious'? We did our five impossibly ambitious things before breakfast today."
Dear Uncle Tusk,
While I know you like to be mighty secretive about Banjo-Tooie (which causes me to suspect you haven't even started it and just like to lie), something has been bothering me for a while. Will the ice key and question mark eggs open up a secret in Banjo-Tooie, or open up a secret in Banjo-Kazooie? From what I understand already from the designers, in Banjo-Tooie you can raise Sharkfood Island, shatter the ice that's blocking the key, and open up the desert door. So are the items used in the original or the sequel? Any answer is better than no answer, but knowing you guys, the preferred answer would be the second.
Uncle Tusk replies: What? You'd prefer no answer? Well, tough, you're getting one. From what I understand, it's like this: you play B-T, you get access to the secrets in B-K, you go back to B-K and pick them up, you leave B-K again and carry them across to B-T where you'll actually find a use for them. So there's no point trying to get them until B-T comes out anyway, as we've been saying all along. Now please. Ask. Some. Different. Questions.
Yo, Tusk dude what's up.
Here is my question:
Is there a possible way of getting the 2xRCP90's cheat in Goldeneye. I can't get it. It is impossible!!! I got everything else (Invincibility and Invisibility are piece of cake). Now I know I do not need that cheat because I got All Weapons but it is a thing of pride (just like you wearing that funky underwear, hey is that bear skin - Banjo perhaps).
Also I bet I could beat you in Goldeneye Multiplayer.
So if you answer this question it would be kind of nice.
Uncle Tusk replies: This could very easily become GoldenEye Corner.
"None of the cheats are impossible to attain. Streamline what you do during your attempt; avoid unneccessary killing and destruction, however unnatural that may seem to you. Work out the shortest route that includes all of the objectives. It is tough but it is also possible.
"You probably could beat me in multiplayer GoldenEye because I haven't played that in ages, but I could tan your scrawny hide in multiplayer PD."
Oi Tusk ya big fluffy glove puppet with a toothpick,
Don't you ever get jealous of the other combatants, I mean you call that huge thing a sword. It slows you down too much man, I reckon what you want is a single handed axe (like Thunder had before the Glacius incident). Or a crossbow or something that will let you move around a bit more, I mean you're too sodding slow. Now Spinal and Jago have got the right idea when it comes to swords, small, lightning fast and they don't slow them down at all.
P.S. For Killer Instinct 4 or 5 whatever it is now you should be able to choose a weapon as well as a fighter.
Uncle Tusk replies: "The Glacius incident"? What? Anyway, you know what they say about people with big swords and people with little swords. Well, I'm sure they say something. And it's probably true. By the way, if Spinal's got the right idea, how come he's been killed about three times?
Dear Amazing Tusko,
I had a huge letter to send about help for Donkey Kong Country 3, and was waiting for a chance to send it, but I managed to answer all my own questions before I could send it. I worked out what the cogs were for, got all the bonus coins and DK coins, found out how the hell you get past the shooting electricity bit on Knautilus, and found the last few banana bird cages. But there's one more question... how do you get this fabled 105% and secret ending? I have 103% at the moment, and am rated "Top Banana", but apparently if you put in HARDR or TUFST as a code then you can get that much. Do you have to put it in every time you play one saved game or something?!?
DKC3 is my fifth Rareware game that I have, as I also have Diddy Kong Racing (completed Adventure Two), Banjo-Kazooie (all notes and jiggies), Donkey Kong Land (completed, but is there something cool that happens if you get 100%? I wanna know!) and Donkey Kong Land 3 (haven't made it to the lost world cause I don't have all the DK coins, but I'll try again once I have batteries for my Game Boy). I am going to get Twelve Tales when it comes out, along with Donkey Kong Country 64. And by the way, will that be in 2D or 3D? Both ways would be good, as the N64 really needs a good 2D platform game (Yoshi's Story? Mischief Makers? Come on!) but the Kongs would look absolutely brilliantly fantastic in total 3D.
In the famous style of the "Thank You For Not Smoking" signs everywhere, thankyou for giving me a really good and incredibly useful reply to my assorted ramblings.
Uncle Tusk replies: Use of the TUFST code was detailed in the July 7 edition. Go there. Read it. Like you should have before you came here getting my back up by asking about it again. And no, you don't need to enter it every time, just when you're asked for it when starting a new game after entering the button combination.
The N64 incarnation of DKC would have arrived in shiny 3D, if only we hadn't been forced to can the project so that everyone involved could go and make tea and sandwiches for the Perfect Dark team.
Dear Mr. Tusk,
Seems you haven't replied to any e-mails lately, but I hope I get something from this, for you are the logical guys for helping me. See, I got Goldeneye about 1 week after it came out... deal is, about 1 week ago, to the day, I had an N64 party, and we played 4-player Goldeneye... one of the honored guests was a very good Goldeneye player who got his game about a week before the Player's Choice version of the game came out... he very stately said that my game sucked, which I must admit, it did...
In 4 player, the game's framerate runs extremely slow, and I am not allowed access to the last row of arenas (I have all the way to the Aztec freed up through Secret Agent, and 007 on half of those). He says he has all of them, and they run really fast, and my other friends (who have played his game) all agree... I wanted to know, do we have different versions of the same game, and if so, how can I get the new version and keep my precious cheats? But if we do have the same version, what can I do to make it run better? This is really an annoying problem.
Uncle Tusk replies: One more for an increasingly weary designer, then.
"The only difference between Player's Choice GoldenEye and pre-PC GoldenEye is the new price. Your 'friends' are having a laugh. The lowest row of mplayer backgrounds cannot be accessed for four-player games due to speed concerns, since they are just sections of backgrounds from the single player game rather than specially designed mplayer arenas. If he has a Gameshark, your 'friend' may be able to open up those backgrounds for four players, but the Gameshark is still unable to make GoldenEye magically run faster while doing this."
Credit where it's due. He might be a tetchy sod, but at least he bothers to answer the stupid questions you lot send in.
Absolutely love your games, blah di blah blah.
In Blast Corps, is there any way of getting the saved games from the pak, onto the cartridge? Reason being, I borrowed Blast Corps from a friend, and have now bought my own copy and would like to transfer my previous saved games to continue from where I left off. Please help.
Uncle Tusk replies: Just for a change, here's an ex-Blast Corps programmer to answer this one.
"Not at all possible, I'm afraid. The format of the save game is different for the two cases (the controller pak version is more accurate etc.)"
Play through the damn game again, you lazy swine.
Dear Uncle Tusk,
I read in a magazine that if you beat the set of times given to you after adv. 2 you can access a high speed racing code. I beat all the times and NOTHING. Please tell me that I haven't wasted hours upon hours trying to get something you can't get.
Uncle Tusk replies: I could tell you that, and send you away with a misguided sense of well-being and relief, but it's much funnier for me to nod happily and agree that you've wasted hours of your life thanks to believing any old rubbish you read. There is no High Speed Racing code. The times you're talking about, as we've said before, are the best times achieved by the development team up to that point (though they've been beaten into the ground since then).
On your October 23rd edition of Ask Uncle Tusk, you told someone that the Marksmanship award in Goldeneye means that the person got a lot of head shots. Doesn't a lot of head shots cause someone to get a Most Professional award? I though Marksmanship went to the person with the best ratio of hits to misses. And speaking of awards, did I imagine the time that I got a Triple Kill award? Please ask someone from the Goldeneye team if there is really a Triple Kill award.
Uncle Tusk replies: No. Oh, alright. But only because it pleases me to annoy him.
"Most Professional is Hits:Misses. Marksmanship is Head hits. Think of the hierarchy like this: Professionals will always be more likely to consistently hit the target, but Marksmen (Markspersons) will be more likely to consistently hit a specific part of that target.
"You are not dreaming. There is a Triple Kill Award. Logic should tell you that there is also a Quad Kill Award, though the recipient gets less kudos due to the fact that they probably had to kill themselves to get the award."
Recently a giant, mutated cat who claims to be yours stepped on my house located near Falkland Island. Because of this, I am now homeless and all my valuables have been crushed. I also regret to inform you that next door was the Falkland Island museum. It too was destroyed. The total amount of damage done to both my house and the museum is to be an estimated $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. Your cat has asked me to tell you that he needs you to send this money via Western Union ASAP, otherwise we will be forced to take action.
Uncle Tusk replies: You take all the action you like - I'll kick your face off. Tell Sniffles I've got those nice chewy fish heads he likes, that should bring him home... not that I want him home or anything, you understand, I don't want to even think about the damage he'll do to Maya's new furniture. Then again, last I heard he wanted to kill Maya anyway, so that's that problem solved.
Dear Uncle Tusk,
I have a few question and ideas for new games:
1. I've heard about a special code to get a flamethrower in GoldenEye. Is this true, or is it just hopeful thinking?
2. For a new DKC game, you could call it "Donkey Kong Country/Land 4: Kiddy's Crib Nightmares" starring Kiddy & Frizzy Kong.
3. For Perfect Dark, make Joanna look like Wai Lin on "Tomorrow Never Dies" 'cause, dang she's ugly!
Uncle Tusk replies: 1. I don't want to shatter your illusions by saying it's not true, but here's a clue: stop being thick.
2. No we couldn't.
3. The designer says: "Too late. She looks like Meryl Streep, and that's final."
It seems to me that, instead of answering questions, you are using this relatively recent columnist job to vent some stress, caused perhaps by trouble at home or the pressures of a confining office job, and feed on the stupidity of the masses, who, even after repeated bashings, continue like lemmings to submit themselves to your punishment.
Do you need any help?
Uncle Tusk replies: Vent some stress? Listening to these arse-headed questions all day is what brings about stress in the first place. If I feel the need to vent, I just go out and sumo wrestle some rhinos. And If I ever need any help dealing with idiots, I'll send you a golf club and a list of addresses in the post. You know what to do.